Health & Fitness
What I Learned and What You Might Have Learned From Hurricane Irene
Did Hurricane Irene teach you anything other than how much you hate your generator-owning neighbors?
As I type this at my parents' Commack house rather than at my own Commack house because the former is among the 76% of Commack houses not forcing its occupants to relive an episode of "Little House on the Prairie," I've had a few moments to dwell on the life lessons imparted by Hurricane Irene.
Candles generate a lot of light. Who knew? I mocked my wife for stocking up on those silly little Yankee wax tchotchkes, but they work very well, even if my house now smells like an apple pie baked by a chef lacking the ability to discern odors and tastes and based on a recipe inscribed in ancient Coptic.
LIPA has a curious way of disseminating information. Actually, the methods are quite reasonable; it's the information itself that raises an eyebrow that you can't see in my Stygian living room. This was my favorite line, which was on LIPA's Twitter feed and Facebook page:
"Crews continue to assess the damage. You may not see a LIPA truck but they are walking the circuits and right of ways."
You might not see any LIPA employees, but rest assured, they are working. They might be undercover. That UPS truck? It could be a LIPA truck. There's no way of knowing! So don't say that LIPA employees are not working, just because you don't see any LIPA employees. Your neighor, the guy sweeping up the debris in front of his house, HE could be a LIPA employee. Hey, maybe YOU'RE the LIPA employee! Get back to work!
LIPA is a big fat liar. Your automated power-outage thingy said you would call me at 5pm with an update. But you never called! Who do you think you are, LIPA, every girl I tried to date?
No matter how hated LIPA is right now, they'll still be like Mother Theresa and Princess Di combined when compared to the LIRR. The railroad always finds a way to enrage its customers. It's as reliable as the 5:53 Ronkonkoma train being at least five minutes late.
New Jersey Governor Christie should button up his shirt all the way. Just sayin'. I'm glad I wasn't eating during his press conferences.
7-Eleven charges way too much for a pint of Ben & Jerry's. But I bought that tub of Chubby Hubby anyway. And now I'm a chubbier hubby.
Maybe stocking up on perishable food during the hours before the hurricane knocked out my power was not a good idea. If LIPA's threat I mean estimate of Friday for full restoration of power is accurate, I'll probably end up eating what's left of those Yankee candles. Bon appetit!
I will be just as unprepared for the next storm. The more I learn, the less I learn. But this time, I'll put the steaks in my parents' freezer before they turn green!
