Puberty, Revisited

Remember puberty?  That sucked, didn’t it?  The blemishes, the awkwardness, the hormones coursing through your body that made you not only notice that boy in English, but brought your world to a crashing halt when your bangs were cut a millimeter too short.  The crying jags were probably my favorite.  And now, thanks to a little something called menopause I get to live those wonderful days all over again!

It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for someone’s cruel joke in lining up menopause with raising teenagers (more evidence that God is a man.)  The absolute most crucial time in parenting to have your wits about you, and mine are scattered all over the house, the yard and between the seats in the car among the gum wrappers and gas receipts.  

But I’m lucky. I have two really, really good boys - 14 and 17. My oldest is an Eagle Scout and my youngest is on his way. They’re polite, well-behaved, and very funny. They each have unique interests and talents and I couldn't be more proud of them. They’re killing me slowly.

My oldest, who we’ll call Bradley (not his name, but close enough that it will still embarrass him), recently got his first job, his driver’s license and a girlfriend. He’s also been accepted to college in a far-away land (okay, upstate New York, but anything further than his bedroom is far) and his social life, as he completes the last of his senior year, is booming. I trust him, but only as far as you can trust a teenager, who by their nature is going to lie and scheme. Every time he leaves the house I’m convinced I’m going to catch him in said lies and schemes, but first I would have to remember where he said he was going in the first place! Enter menopause.  

We also can’t seem to talk about anything without me crying. Prom? Graduation? Going off to College? Cry. Cry. Cry. And apparently there’s nothing more annoying to a 17 year-old boy than having to talk to his mother. The tears just add to his joy. We’re doing great. I even went so far as to sit him down to try to explain menopause. I don’t recommend that one.  

So besides the mental lapses and the crying, not to mention the hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain and sleep issues, the rest of menopause has been fun. I read there are 34 symptoms related to “the change” and I only have like 31 of them, so I’m somewhat ahead of the game. The one symptom I’d almost like to get only because it sounds cool is “Electric Shocks.” Seriously? What can that even be? It sounds a little like a sideshow attraction, doesn’t it? But the good news? From what I can tell, unlike puberty, I can start looking forward to NOT getting monthly cramps, my complexion is blemish-free, and I’m not quite as awkward around teenage boys. Except for mine.